::stand:: / Tuesday, October 31, 2006
soooo frustrated and confused now. and guess what? it's about that whole debate thingy. it's not about the auditions (since i'm alrd default. bah). it's about even going. i just don't feel like it. even though it's fun and interesting (challenging) and a time-killer.
i forgot about everything already. like baseline argument and such. how to summarize and compare. even though there's a vague idea there and i still have my voice. i think it's my voice that saves it all. but i sounded horrid on that tape. that tape mrs. o screened as a debate briefing. and besides, nobody else (that was once a debator) actually joined-joined.
except me.
i REALLY think it's time to give the other's a chance to discover their talent and develop an interest in them [for debate]. i like debates, there's a certain passion for it [in me]. but i want to be something else. not a debator. i want to be a teacher.
yes. i want to impart my skills, even though insufficient and inexperienced, to them. i want them to learn and pick those skills up. i guess there is a joy in teaching and learning. perhaps, after assisting them and guiding them, i will feel a sense of satisfaction. and it would be, i think, better for the rest to learn (more comfortably) from a friend, than a teacher.
but i guess it isn't really possible. since mrs. tan goes, "really cheryl. you've got to get your class together to help
you. get more people for the auditions. but you don't need to go for the auditions, you're by
default." but default doesn't mean 'must' does it?
and sigh. mrs. o's totally counting on me to "save" the class. like what the? I AM NOT FANTASTIC. there are probably better debators out there. she goes, "whoa! you're the only debator in your class? okay..i want you to help sell the idea, and do your class good." sigh. she's counting on me.
i don't know how to get out of this whole mess. i want to teach and assist them, perhaps i can get a further insight. this shouldn't be the pass debators "saving" the class. it should be the new ones, outshining the old. okay, maybe not that much. but at least picking the skill up. oh, debates!
i don't even think bs is going. besides, our class has only me. and i'm only good in the reply. ahhh, sheesh. that's like 30 points or something. even though it's a much tougher job than the first's.
NNOOOOO! i don't want to go lah. but i bet i'll be called a traitor or something. because not only mrs. tan and mrs. o who's counting on me. it's the class - esp. the girls. bernice and janne is freaking out just because of the whole audition thingy. esp. jjanne. who's DESPERATE to go. i don't know. and i'm telling them stuff/tips and hints on what might come out, tt i'm going crazy soon. it goes like, "don't worry okay. it'll be totally fine. just do your best. and speak up.....use the....model.....oh! it might be like.......but don't worry. i passed it like it is. if you're good...than yah.." and i repeat and repeat and repe...t
decision is final: i'm going to the audition venue tomorrow and telling mrs o/mrs tay/mrs tan about my pov. i'm not sure if they're going to make a big fuss out of my withdrawal. man, this is bad. kylie, please come tomorrow!!!!
/ihopped at
4:20 AM
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